Ok so here I go, I have always loved reading blogs when people really seem to open up and trust those random people that read them. I have a hard time trusting people with my feelings, with my thoughts, and letting them in. But here I go, I am going to try to get some of this out there, and hopefully it will feel nice.
I wish life could be easy.... da da da doo!! (black eyed peas song) In-fact I kept myself so far away from others in letting them in so I could try to make my life as easy as possible. But yet, humans are smart and they eventually figure you out and that I have problems just like the rest of the world. I love talking to people and helping them solve their personal dilemmas because that means that they trust me and they have something I don't, being able to open up that quickly and so well. I have yet to figure out why I can't trust and open up right up front. I don't want to blame experiences, or past events on who I am because I should be able to over come those. But I do understand that those experiences and events mold me. But why the hell can't I trust people? Is it because of him? or Her? Or both? Then it is my physical part, I hate everything about my body.. yes I said it, but you can say... what woman does love her body? I can't understand how someone can even begin to like me when I am not skinny, or have a pimple here and there. I also know that men HATE that woman think this way, but sorry... there is nothing you can do, we have to fix it ourselves, and we hate that. I always thought that if I just got one man to love me that I shouldn't have any problem with my looks because he loves me... NOPE... haha. Some just call it being lazy, others just don't understand nor do I expect them to.
I am having a harder time with my background foundation than I ever thought I would. I know how blessed I am, I know how good I have it, so why do I still find the time to see the negatives??? If you have the answer please do lighten me. I do know that because I focus my love and attention on others that I let my personal problems get pushed in the corner and they build up, pushed up to the point that I just want to block the world out but still face it with a smile. I want to be known as the girl who brings no pain but joy to others lives, the one that lightens the daily burdens. Yes... how can you help others if you can't help yourself... I get it, I have come along way, I am not as negative on myself as I used to be. I don't hide as much anymore but I don't want to be a burden, and if and when I ever talk about myself I feel guilty cause I took your time to talk.
This is a depressing blog! haha holy cow! There just have been events in my life that have made me push myself harder to be content with myself. Be the best I can, never fail at anything that I didn't have to guts to try. Love like I have never loved before, ya about that! Still trying to live on the edge, and it's a lot harder than I ever thought it would be!!! Maybe I will spill later, but I just don't want to think anymore.
Merry Christmas!!
This is a great blog post. Yes, it got very sad at the end but it was really good. You do focus alot on others which is maybe a good thing why you are going into psychology, but sometimes you need to step back and think, "is this going to make me truly happy" and go for it if it will. youre smart and youve got a good head on your shoulders, you will figure it out and Im happy to be there when you do. :D Keep your chin up and keep smilin' cause you are a beautiful woman with such strong faith. I love you Jenny.
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