I don't know what I am feeling right now. I am angry, hurt, frustrated, upset, sad, sorry, mad.... etc.. but I think you get my point. I am a girl who wanted to have some fun in my life, I was always the girl who watched my every step, who made sure everything I did was to avoid the fact of getting hurt. :( But I was sick of hiding my heart, I wanted to know what it felt like to live on the edge, to just have fun and not think, to just enjoy. Well I now realize that I made those walls for a reason, I would rather save the pain and leave the fun behind.
I was convinced to live on the edge and I was ready to try something new, to try to live on the fun side of life and leave the responsible one. I went into a relationship KNOWING that I WOULD get hurt, but I didn't care, I was sick of holding back from letting people in. But in turn, I forgot that I would rather save the pain and leave the fun life behind.
I shared many first experiences with someone I thought cared about me. Someone I thought respected me, and loved me. I was a FOOL, I didn't listen to my gut, and I have been known to live by my gut feelings. Do I regret it? If I did it would only hurt me more. Did he make me happy? He had to of to keep me around. But was I a fool.. yes because only fools let others love them and don't listen to the signs. Will I miss him? I don't want to think about that either, thinking was never good for me.
Do I have hope that I will forget this feeling and try it get hurt again, meaning that I will open my heart again... Not right now I don't. I have lost my trust in everyone again, I wrote a blog just a couple weeks ago about trust, I was willing to try trusting again, but yet again, I have been kicked in the butt as to why I don't trust anyone. I don't lean on anyone but my Heavenly Father, sure you can give me advice, and yes I might use it, but not only till I know for myself that it is the advice I trust, not the person.
Did I have fun, of course, I cannot ever forget the first man I ever kissed, the first one of many things. I just hope one day to find someone who knows how to take care of my heart. Someone who wont let me down. Then maybe I can trust again, but until now, trust is not in my vocab.
Happy News Years.... Another year being single and loving it! I am stronger on my own, I can be in control!
I was convinced to live on the edge and I was ready to try something new, to try to live on the fun side of life and leave the responsible one. I went into a relationship KNOWING that I WOULD get hurt, but I didn't care, I was sick of holding back from letting people in. But in turn, I forgot that I would rather save the pain and leave the fun life behind.
I shared many first experiences with someone I thought cared about me. Someone I thought respected me, and loved me. I was a FOOL, I didn't listen to my gut, and I have been known to live by my gut feelings. Do I regret it? If I did it would only hurt me more. Did he make me happy? He had to of to keep me around. But was I a fool.. yes because only fools let others love them and don't listen to the signs. Will I miss him? I don't want to think about that either, thinking was never good for me.
Do I have hope that I will forget this feeling and try it get hurt again, meaning that I will open my heart again... Not right now I don't. I have lost my trust in everyone again, I wrote a blog just a couple weeks ago about trust, I was willing to try trusting again, but yet again, I have been kicked in the butt as to why I don't trust anyone. I don't lean on anyone but my Heavenly Father, sure you can give me advice, and yes I might use it, but not only till I know for myself that it is the advice I trust, not the person.
Did I have fun, of course, I cannot ever forget the first man I ever kissed, the first one of many things. I just hope one day to find someone who knows how to take care of my heart. Someone who wont let me down. Then maybe I can trust again, but until now, trust is not in my vocab.
Happy News Years.... Another year being single and loving it! I am stronger on my own, I can be in control!
heart break is...well it's heart breaking. It sucks, you have so many emotions that you don't even know how you're supposed to feel anymore. You're title is true, "Time will tell" Stay true and close to the Lord, your prince is out there whom you can trust and give your heart to. I wish you the best!
ReplyDeleteThank you so much! I know that I needed to hear that. You are so wonderful :)
ReplyDelete