When God speaks, it shall be done. This is a phrase that I have been pondering upon and one that I am trying to be at peace with. I know it will bring me happiness and true joy in the future, but right now it only brings pain. We can let time heal our pain, but what if you are causing pain in someone else life because of this phrase? What if they don't understand why you are taking the actions and moving on with your life? Oh how at times I wish that God could change his mind and I wish that I didn't have to move on, but I do. (Period)
I am taking time on my own to discover how happy I can be without that important thing/person in my life. I just want them to be happy as well, the hard thing is that I am one of the only happy things in their lives. :( I am trying to be strong... nothing can ever be the same, nothing will never be the same.
I don't want to be confused anymore, that is of the devil, I don't want to be a fool, and I do have to accept the facts. Judgment needs to be made in the correct aspect, Christ taught that we need to have good judgment so we can live a healthy life. I can forgive, but I cannot subject myself to what I and God know to be unhealthy for me.
I wish many others could begin to understand that beginning phrase like I am trying to understand through my actions... When God speaks, it shall be done ....

Christmas/Birthday/20!?

MERRY CHRISTMAS!!
I have learned that life is hard! haha whether it be through work, school, or relationships, it is always going to be hard no matter what. But with past experiences and loved ones at my side I have learned that you cannot change the situation no matter how much you wish you could, but you can change yourself. Only I make the decisions that lead my life on the correct path, only I know how to put my two feet forward into action. But these actions can be the hardest thing at that moment in time, I hate having to put my two feet forward sometimes. But what would a roller coaster be like if you didn't have to stand in line for an hour while the whole time you were scared.
I know that I made the correct decision to come here to this earth, I just hope that I can continue to make the correct decisions with God's help. But I am so thankful for the Holy Ghost, I secretly hate the fact that He is always correct, that He does lead me and guide me to make the right choice. I feel so content and dis-content at the same time, I want to cry a river, but I also just want to shove everything in a box and take the trash out and do nothing less with it.
I now know what it feels like to be the given the countless advice, but I now know the whole picture, feel the whole story, love the man. Anyway.. I have a lot to think about, but I also have time to think.
I am now 20! I never thought that I would make it to being this old! My brother the other day called me an 'old fart'! I have never been called that till now! Not cool if you ask me! lol I had a wonderful birthday :) Chad took me to Salt Lake to eat at Christopher's, I was so excited because I got to use my prom dress again. Then we walked around temple square and looked at the lights. He gave me my 'J' necklace at Ensign Park out looking the Salt Lake valley, which was breath taking. He also made me breakfast in bed, and bought me flowers. My family gave me a birthday dinner which was amazing! I love my family so much and am so grateful for them.
I am excited for Christmas! Time to take a break from everything, my life feels like a roller coaster and it needs to slow down so I can get off. Just glad to be home, when I go back to Provo I will have two new room mates! I pray that we will get along.
All is fair in love and war... true? :) I do know that love cannot solve everything, though I wish it could.